


Kudos

by Picross3D



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Again, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abuse, Drama, F/F, F/M, High School AU, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lesbian Characters, Lesbian Romance, M/M, Mention Of Homophobia, Neglect, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, high school romance au, mentions of child abuse, ooooh boy howdy this is gonna be a ride, petty teenage drama, rosemary au, so essentially, this is so not me projecting onto fictional characters, to be exact
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-01-25 07:10:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21352264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Picross3D/pseuds/Picross3D
Summary: You, Kanaya Maryam are fourteen. You love Twilight for sentimental reasons, read/write fanfiction, and pine ceaselessly after any girl who gives you the time of day. That being said, you are out of your FUCKING league here.A story in which a girl falls in love twice, and deliberates the merits of online relationships versus physical ones. Contains many Ao3 references, teenage scandals, drug deals, confusingly worded sentences, and overly proper manners of speech.
Relationships: Kanaya Maryam & Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam & Porrim Maryam, Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde & Kanaya Maryam, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	1. Don't Leave Me (Ne Me Quitte Pas)- Regina Spektor

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about writing this for months so I'm finally doin it!

A young girl sits at her wooden desk. The time is 2:48 AM, on Thursday, September 6th. The year is 2017. This girl, named Kanaya Maryam, is staring with extreme intensity at her laptop screen. Tears are threatening to pour down her light brown cheeks and it takes all of her willpower to avoid sobbing out loud. 

Every few seconds she scrolls her mouse wheel with a manicured index finger. At some point though, the page refuses to go down any farther. The determined and sad expression embroidered in her face is twisted into a furious “what the FUCK” as she refreshes the page, not once, but twice. Nothing changes. The number of chapters is still 150/150, the bottom notes still contain a goodbye message to lingering readers.

For our audience’s sorely needed context, this girl has been reading fanfiction for years. Specifically, Twilight fanfiction. Even more specifically, this singular story. Once weekly for three years she has read, like the obsessive damsel she is. The end of her most beloved story has been nigh for some time, but through its ups and downs she never expected it to be  _ this fucking bad _ . 

Things went awry in the worst ways. This narration of events sounded soulless. After years of build-up to a satisfying ending, it ended on a  _ Fucking Cliffhanger _ . 

Any living, breathing person could do better than this, the seventh-grader thinks as she closes the Microsoft Edge tab without leaving kudos. Hell, a dead person could. Hell,  _ she could! _

And that fascinating thought begged, somehow more relentless than a child would for candy, quite the fucking question. What was actually stopping her from writing something better?

Ten minutes later Miss Maryam is typing in her email address on the Archive of Our Own sign-up page. Her username she devotes thirty seconds to. “MissMary” will suffice for now, as she has  _ pent up fucking rage _ to express! Filling in the password slot takes a few seconds as she types something memorable and easily cracked by hackers. She clicks “Done”. After, she clicks the post button.

Okay, maybe she should have focused on writing before jumping the gun and making an account, because

Staring at this blank white box gives her an uninspired attitude and one hell of a writer’s block. Kanaya’s mind, previously full of corrections to make and things to  _ fix goddamnit _ , is wandering. Maybe sleep would be a good… 

You know what? Fuck that! Fuck planning and fuck constructing a solid narrative that makes sense! These fictional characters need literary justice now. And MissMary is happy to provide. 

  
  
  


Holy shit, that flashback to two years ago was super fun and all, but it isn’t very helpful on your Biology exam! Maybe your brain should actually, and here’s a funny/delightful thought, help you out here. 

_ How the fuck are different reptiles classified? _ Like hell you know. You scribble your third C in a row and set your pencil down in the grove on your desk. With a surprising amount of effort, you stop your bouncing foot. Your eyes flick around the room at your fellow classmates. You don’t know what you’re looking for, a sign of anyone else struggling as much as you, a distraction maybe, but you don’t find it. 

It could be worse you guess, at least you’re on the last three questions- oh fuck why did you think that- and the bell rings. 

Your pencil crumbles a bit as you fill in a few random bubbles on the scantron before shuffling out of your seat and placing the slip of paper on the wooden podium. You turn back around to grab your backpack from underneath your desk.

Standing there blocking your path is one of the prettiest girls you have ever seen. 

The girl in question sports a head of silky blonde hair that barely reaches her chin. It is short and pointed, the bob cut of all bob cuts. A black velvet headband sits behind slightly curled bangs.

You’re just getting started. Her eyes are surrounded by black eyeliner that gives her intense look a sharper edge. Coupled with her deep purple eyeshadow it looks… killer.

Her outfit is a black tank top with a see-through purple shirt layered over it. Black jeans hug her slim waist, and… 

You definitely aren’t glancing at this girl’s ass, nope, not you. A blush rises to your cheeks against your will. As the second you took to look at her passes you grow aware of the fact you haven’t said anything yet.

She lifts her head up and nails you with her violet eyes. They make you freeze in your tracks. This girl clears her throat neatly.

"Kanaya, right?"

Oh god she knows your name. You nod, then feel stupid for doing so.

"Yes, that's me."

She smiles at you. 

Jesus christ, she smiles at you. It isn't much, just a slight upturn of her lips, but it raises you to cloud nine. No, farther, more like cloud 69. Haha, extra points for 69 joke. Point is,  _ you're  _ the person that made her smile. This train of thought abruptly ends when she speaks once more. 

"I'm Rose. Sorry, we haven’t met before. But according to a friend, I'm reasonably sure that you are a part of the Writing Club?” 

After a second you realize that was a question. “Yes,” you reply, “I’m a member.” You think and come to the conclusion that she is interested. In the club, not you, sadly. “Are you a writer,” you ask.

_ Rose _ , you feel giddy just thinking her name in your head, confirms this. “I consider myself an author. The club sounds fantastic. I know it’s late in the year, but is joining still a possibility?”

On a deep instinct that is probably just trying to keep this girl happy and near you, you blurt out “Absolutely” with no thought behind it. You succeed, you guess because her grin grows. Barely, by centimeters, but it still does.

Her smooth and middle-pitched voice fills your ears. “That’s great. So, is there a person I should speak to about it or are you able to just squeeze me in?”

“I suppose talking to our club sponsor would be a nice idea. I’m more than capable of taking care of a few things for you though, it’s no problem.”

“I’m sure you are.” Oh, her tone was flirty as hell, you are going to fucking  _ swoon _ . Keep it together, Maryam. She pulls out a phone, with a lavender case. Rose taps it while you glance at her matching nails. A few seconds later she holds it out to you, “What’s your snap? In case I have questions, or anything else.”

You take her phone and type it in. Holy balls she asked for your snap. “There.” You hand her the iPhone back with your profile up on the screen. Desperate as you are, you reach out. “I’ll text you tonight?”

“I’m looking forward to it.” Rose slides her phone in her back jean pocket. She steps to the side then, turning toward you, waves slightly. You wave back and watch the back of her blonde head as she leaves the classroom. 

What the fuck just happened?


	2. Uno- Rex Orange County

Your lunch group, just like everything else in your life, is quite the mess.

All twelve of the kids from your neighborhood that are around your age are crammed into a table meant for eight. It’s utter chaos. Shouts from opposite ends of the rectangle, the occasional thrown food item, and someone’s phone playing Tik Toks (“It’th ironic Fef, you aren’t thuppothed to  _ actually  _ like them”) are the essential ingredients to this recipe for catastrophic disaster. It’s a fucking wonder none of you have lunch detention. 

A slightly nasal voice projects across the table. Karkat, who was deep into conversation with you over the girl from Biology and her newfound role in your life, hears whatever the fuck she said (you weren’t paying attention because, fuck, it’s Vriska, why would you) and by the look in his eyes you can see he’s close to riot. 

“That is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, you heinous bitch!” he screams. Vriska looks smug, and you die a bit inside knowing she’s won whatever little game she’s playing. 

“Karkat! Be civil!” she toys. The mock hurt in her eyes is enough to make you slightly irritated. 

You clear your throat. “Vriska, please, leave him alone. I’m not in the mood to deal with your shit.”

She raises a split eyebrow. You have no clue why though, your dead-pan one-liners are commonplace among Karkat’s shitfits and creative insults in the Hall of Recongniable Character Traits Fame. “Sorry Kan, I’m just  _ so curious _ about the dude Karkat’s been spending every available second with. What was his name, David? Davis? Dave-” 

An incomprehensible screech that might be another “none of your business!” cuts her off and a piece of shitty orange chicken lands above her good eye. Vriska blinks. She then yells something and throws her crusty bread roll back at his head full force. It bounces off of his forehead like the stale piece of shit it is and oh shit, everyone at your table in looking in this general direction. In a desperate attempt to keep the peace (too late but whatever), you place a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. 

“Kar, let’s just-”

Half a second later his whole ass tray is sliding off of Vriska’s shirt. He stands up, turns around, and walks off under the gazes of the entire group. Vriska’s expression is genuinely outraged? That does surprise you. You almost apologize for what your dearest friend did but think better of it because Bitch. You stand up quickly and walk after him, but lose him somewhere around the vending machines.

He isn’t in the library when you walk past it on your way back to fourth period.

Unable to accept him wanting to cool off you text him during English.

‘Meet me in the bathroom by the band room’

Sent at 1:03 pm

‘NO’

Sent at 1:03 pm

‘Yes.”

Sent at 1:04 pm

When you see him approach the restroom, you cross your arms and pout a little. “What was that about? Ruining Vriska’s whole ass shirt wasn’t cool.”

His eyebrows sink down and his nose scrunches up. “What would  _ you _ know about cool anyway?” He holds this expression for a good solid second. You could act hurt if you wanted to, but…

“Holy shit I’m sorry Kan, I just…” There you go, he’s fine. 

“I’ve been hanging out with this new kid for a few days. Nothing special. But he’s kinda, I don’t know,  _ attractive _ . Spider bitch picked up on that.” His cheeks flush, you notice. “Vriska’s being a bitch about it, has been since she ran into us at Jack’s.”

Jack’s is the restaurant behind your school. A popular after-school hang out for friends, and more often, couples. You can see why Vriska would bitch about that, doesn’t make it right though.

“Okay, well, sorry about that. You should still probably apologize, though.” He sighs but looks at you like he thinks you’re right.

“Motherfucking  _ Dave _ . His sister had to say her name loud enough for Vriska to hear. Like  _ literally _ speaking of the devil.” 

Huh. “Who’s his sister,” you ask.

“Some chick named Rose.” A second passes before the significance hits you.

The noise you make can best be summarized as ‘surprised chicken fucking dying.

“Rose? Lalonde?”

Karkat nods, confused. Then, as he realizes why you are sputtering, his eyes grow wide. “Oh, shit!”

Shit is fucking right. 

“Of fucking course, you would go out with her  _ fucking  _ brother. Only you could pull off this magnificent coincidence.”

Your friend holds his face in his hand for a moment, then freezes. When he looks back up at you, you can see the lightbulbs going off in his head. “Kanaya?”

Nervously you reply, “Yes?”

“Dave and I are going skating tomorrow night. Rose insisted on tagging along. This is the dating opportunity of a lifetime. You  _ have  _ to crash this, it’s like straight out of-”

“A rom-com. Karkat, no. Just no. This isn’t a romance novel or a cheesy short story. This is real life. Rose will think I’m weird if I just show up- What are you doing? What are you typing- Karkat! No! Stop texting him!”

Karkat’s eyes are lit up and a smile is stretching across his face. He holds his phone out of reach from you as you grapple him for it. “Too late, Dave says this is the best thing that he’s ever heard and he’s totally on board. We’re doing this!”

“We are not making this happen!” You give a frustrated sigh but glance back down at your friend. Karkat is giving a now fonder smile as he reads something and types a reply. Huh. 

“Fine.” You give in. He’s happy, you suppose that’s what matters. You stand back and cross your arms. “What time.”

He scrolls up a bit, presumably on his conversation with Dave, and tells you, “Eight. Be there at like 7:45 though, Dave and I wanna see this  _ entire _ thing go down.” 

Ugh. “Fine. I’ll see you there, Kar. I’m going back to class before some teacher randomly using this specific bathroom has my ass.” You decide to leave out the ‘ _ I’m doing this for  _ you’ and just leave the restroom as he leans against the boy’s bathroom door and types. 

So tonight at eight, you think as your converse hit the tile floor on your way back to creative writing, you will embarrass yourself and ward off your potential love interest forever, possibly spreading this misfortune all the way to whatever Karkat and Dave have going on. The anxiety of what could come knaws at you for the rest of your afternoon. You refrain from telling Karkat this when you slide next to him on the bus.

“Alright,” he starts, “just so you know, Dave and I have a… weird dynamic, according to some people. It’s like me and Sollux, insulting each other for fun, but like amped up.” That’s interesting. 

“That’s interesting. And you like Dave?” This earns you intelligible noises that make you stifle a laugh. He sputters before spitting out his point.

“Wh-what? Do I like- Do I LIKE  _ Dave _ ? God no, he’s the douchebaggiest guy I’ve ever met, like top tier awfulness. I hang out with him because he can be occasionally funny, and we have some stuff in common.”

“Like?”

He sighs aggressively. “Like I dunno, music? Terezi?”

You look him in the eye curiously. “He dated Terezi too?”

He looks less than thrilled about this change in subject.

“Yeah, he did. He was her rebound after me, they lasted for a few weeks over the summer.” You are about to comfort him when he continues.

“I thought he’d be really bad about it, make fun of me or something but he wasn’t. We met at Feferi’s party, by the way. We sat and smoked for a bit, just shooting the shit about stuff. It was…” He looks out the slightly off-square bus window with a surprised expression.

“Chill.”

The bus turns a corner and starts rolling down your street. 

“He sounds nice,” you say and pat his shoulder nicely. 

“I’ll see you there?”

He smiles and nods, popping an earbud in.

You wave then stand, walking down the aisle to hop off and into your driveway.

Your sister Porrim agrees to drive you to the Skate Place after you barter with your Switch and her chores. She pulls up to the front door, takes a drag from a Juul that is more than likely stolen from her friends, and blows the smoke in your face by telling you “Get out of my car”.

You hop out and hear your shoes hit the pavement. She’s gone by the time you reach the door, but you see her look out the window of her pickup truck as she turns into the street. 

The door opens and you can hear the bell above it chime. You walk to the window where an older lady sits, and slide your eight dollars through the slot in the glass. Ske looks up at you from her magazine and pulls the money closer before giving you a red ticket. You step through the door that separates the lobby from the rink.

The smell of weed hits you, just a second before the neon blacklights. The 80’s carpet is glowing where patterns of planets and shapes are printed. You have a migraine from being here all of two seconds.

Karkat’s voice welcomes you to your favorite place on Earth.

“Kanaya!” you trace the sound back to the food area, where him and a guy are sitting in a booth, sipping from the same monster can every few seconds. Karkat’s hand is waving in the air, and a goofy grin is hanging from his face. He’s… blushing? His hair is quite messed up as well- oh, wait, he’s buzzed. You walk over there, and as you get closer the dude sitting next to him, Dave you assume, looks to you slightly guilty. Just as you slide into the booth Karkat reaches over and grabs your hand. He narrowly misses knocking over his and Dave’s shared energy drink, and Dave moves it toward himself for safe measure. 

“Kanaaaaaayaaaa! You ac-chully came!” he slurs. 

You chuckle, mostly out of nerves. “Karkat, you’re…”

“Drunk?” Dave supplies. 

“Yes, quite.” Your gaze turns to him. You look this guy over, this appears to be your first interaction. 

He has a pair of aviators pushed up into his hair which is quite bright in the blacklight. His t-shirt has a record printed onto it. A red and white checkered flannel is layered on top.

His leg is bouncing under the table and he’s constantly doing something with his hands, tapping his fingers or folding them together. He’s either nervous or restless, either could be a possibility.

“I’m Kanaya,” you say and hold out a hand.

“Dave,” he confirms and shakes it. 

“Karkat!” Karkat says and takes the Monster back from Dave. 

“So, how did he end up like, uh, this?” Dave looks to the side and holds the back of his neck for a moment then meets your eyes with his own- red? Huh, that’s weird. 

“It’s kinda my fault. My bro drove us here, we grabbed a few cans of soda and shit from his truck and I guess one or a few were spiked. Ok, I know a few were spiked. Now, I mean, I didn’t know at the time. You’d think a responsible guy would mark his shit, right? Dirk isn’t, heh, Responsible. That’s my brother if it wasn’t clear. Ok, I’m rambling. He’ll be fine. I think. Karkat. Damn, he’s really a lightweight, huh.”

You blink to process everything.

Karkat giggles a little. “Daveeeee, you’re spiraling just be quieeeet.”

You can understand why Karkat likes him, that whole rambling thing was a little unhelpful but kind of cute. You wonder if he’s normally like this, or if slightly buzzed Dave is more talkative.

“So, you’re Kanaya. Karkat talks about you a lot.” Ok, you don’t care anymore, you wanna hear this. The Karkat in question looks at Dave curiously but doesn’t stop him.

You clear your throat. “Really, what’s he say?”

“Mostly stuff about how you’re his like, best friend.” Well, yeah, you guess that’s true. 

“Dave, shush, you can’t tell her everything I tell you, somethings, a lotta things are secret.” 

Dave laughs and looks sideways at Karkat. The way he does this tells you everything you need to ever know about him. His eyes are full of affection. His soft smile widens. You instantly approve of Dave, even if Karkat never ends up dating him. But, if that timeline ever comes to pass, you will fix it because Karkat  _ needs  _ to tap that.

“So, when’s your sister getting here?” You hate to break up this heartwarming moment, but it just occurs to you that there is a third wheel here. 

Dave smirks, an expression you appreciate less on his face. “She’s already here,” he says, “Look behind you.”

You do this with gusto, and oh-

Rose skates quickly and gracefully, perfectly balanced on her feet. Her hair bounces behind her as she occasionally moves a little to the right or left. The neon violet light shines on her, highlighting her luminescent hair in comparison. 

Dave shouts from behind you, “Rosie!” and sticks a hand in the air. She turns her head towards your booth, and you feel those violet eyes nail you once more. 

You whip your head back around and nervously fix your hair while Dave beckons her over. He smirks a little more. “You’re fine dude,” he says as he flicks his sunglasses back over his face. 

A manicured hand places itself on the table in front of you. You look up, and its owner is standing above you. Rose Lalonde, with her dark lipstick and intimidating eyes. She smiles, and you see excitement fill those petrifying spheres. 

“Kanaya, great to see you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


	3. Wait a Minute! - WILLOW

CHAPTER 3

“Yeah, you too!”

You are surprised at how calm you sound, compared to how you feel. As your nerves skyrocket you try desperately to calm them and keep moving forward. 

“Here, sit down,” you say as you scoot over in the booth.

Rose mumbles her thanks and drops down next to you. She looks tired from this close, contrasting the ‘effortless’ way she was moving along the wooden rink. Dave takes a sip from the Monster after tearing it away from Kar’s grabby hands. 

“Having fun, Rose?” he asks with a knowing smile. She raises a still perfect looking eyebrow at him. 

“A metric ton. Even more so since you both  _ abandoned _ me in cold blood.” Her tone is cold, but you sense a layer of teasing behind it. 

“Rip toots, that sucks for you but  _ we _ had important things to discuss. Like stocks. And, uh, things.” Dave says.

Karkat sticks the tip of his tongue out at Rose, who looks a little confused. “Is he-”

You and Dave both answer in unison. “Yes.” This satisfies her, and she turns to face you. Shit.

“So what brings you here? Do you come here very often?”

You swallow as inconspicuous as possible. Come on, dipshit, answer.

“Karkat invited me. As to how often I frequent, not very, at least since middle school ended. I miss it though. It’s fun as long as you don’t mind the shady people and smell of fucking weed.”

Rose chuckles. You smile and feel warmth skip in your chest. That’s not how the expression goes, is it, whatever it describes what you feel. 

“So I’ve heard. I’m still pretty new to the area though. If there’s a better place to hang, maybe you could show me sometime.”

That could be fun- Holy motherfucking shit that sounded like a pickup line, no way that was-

“Yeah Rose, we should make a day of it.” Dave cuts in. “Get all four of us together, maybe even John and Jade. I wonder if  _ Rox _ would-”

Something thumps something else under the table. Dave winces and frowns at his sister. “Aren’t you busy this weekend?  _ Things _ to  _ do _ ?” Rose asks with an edge.

He nods and whispers something into Karkat’s ear that makes him go hysterical.

You stifle a chuckle. “That sounds wonderful. I’d be happy to show you around, I could get my sister to drive us somewhere.” She smiles wide. The two of you just look at each other for a silent moment and you can feel your cheeks warming in a happy blush with the eye contact. Your moment is ruined when Karkat grabs Dave’s arm and tugs at it loudly. 

“Davey, let’s go  _ skate _ !” he stage whispers. 

Dave winces. “Uh, I’m not sure that’s a g-”

He is roughly shoved out of the booth seat and onto his ass. Karkat follows him. Dave tries to help him out, but they are both wobbly and uncoordinated on the skates. As they scoot away and closer to the rink Rose picks up their energy drink and swishes it around. “They really are something, right?”

Oh thank god, she sees it too.

“Absolutely, if they don’t kiss some day I will cry.”

Rose snickers behind the can and sips it.

“They're so alike, it's a perfect fit." She gets it. She reconnects her eyes with yours. “Hey, how long have you known Karkat?”

That’s a question. It’s… been a while. You think for a moment and tap the side of your head thoughtfully.

“Since kindergarten, I think. We’ve been best friends since like, fourth grade.”

Rose considers this. Your turn for a question, you think.

“Where did you and Dave move from?” That might be a little personal. Too bad you didn’t consider this before asking. 

Rose thankfully answers. “New York. We lived in the middle of the woods. It was nice in a forest-cottage kinda way, but it was miles away from the nearest town. And data tower.” 

Her turn in this impromptu question game. “You mentioned a sister,” she asks carefully, “any other siblings?”

You smile. “Not that I'm aware of. My sister's enough of an ass, I'm glad she's all I've 'gotta deal with."

She snorts and damn you're gay. "I feel that. I have three siblings, it fucking sucks." Three?

"Three?" You ask. She nods while sipping. 

"Myeah, Dave, Dirk, and Roxy. Dave and I are twins, Dirk and Roxy are 19 and 17 respectively. Our house is a fucking shitshow, you  _ need _ to come over some time and see it." 

"That sounds rough as hell."

"'Tis." Rose looks back at Dave and Karkat. Dave is letting Karkat grip his arms as he shuffles along the rink. His foot slips and Karkat stumbles a bit, but they steady themselves and laugh. "They're alright though."

There's a quiet pause between the both of you as you watch the two fool around. You know how she feels. Porrim's a jerk but you love her and you know she loves you. Same with Karkat, you think, he's practically your brother at this point. 

They're having fun. "Hey Rose," you say before you can stop, "Wanna go skate?"

She smiles and grabs you by the hand. "Hell fucking yes."

Rose pulls you out of the booth and towards the rink, as you fight to not fall on your ass the entire way.

  
  


Porrim's truck pulls up, and you walk towards the glass door of the warmly lit lobby. Before you can open it a hand pulls gently on your wrist. 

Rose's eyes look up at you. 

"This was fun" she says. You watch the fog of her breath dissipate between your faces. Her hair is tinted a warm white by the string lights above you. You smile in a way that you know shows off your teeth.

"Very," you reply at a loss for words. Her hand remains holding yours. You look down at it, and so does she before dropping it a little quickly. 

"I'll, see you tomorrow?" She isn't saying, she's asking. 

Hey, HEY, you know what to do here. Years of fanfiction have taught you what to do.

You pick up her hand from her side then give it a gentle squeeze. "I'm lookin' forward to it. Bye, Rose."

The door opens as you walk backwards into it and let go of her hand. You turn around and walk to your sister's car. 

When you open the door and hop inside, Rose has already left the lobby. 

You hear a snicker. 

As your head turns sharply, Porrim says, "Smooth moves, 'ya little shit. Just remember who you got 'em from."

"You saw that?" You are mortified.

Porrim's laughter fills the car as you drive into the main road. 

  
  


After you shower, slide on your pyjamas, brush your teeth, towel dry your hair, and power on your laptop, you slide into bed with the lights off and earbuds in. You open Chrome and your selected home page loads. The dashboard of your Ao3 account sits there, with an unchecked inbox and unchecked bookmarks.

Idly you sip on a diet Dr. Pepper and scroll through your marked fics. Nothing's updated yet, but there's still the four hours you plan to stay up before you sleep. You click on your Inbox with your green Bluetooth mouse. 

Comments on something you wrote last month, a few replies, and- there!

VioletBehavior on To The Heart

"Amazing, as always!!!"

If there was a way to be happier than you are right now, you would be very fucking surprised. 

You reply instantly, "<3<3<3<3"

With your mouse you click out of Chrome and into Discord. You go to your chat with tentacleTherapist#846, aka VioletBehavior. 

"Thanks fr the comment on my fic dude"

sent 12:03 a.m.

You see the bar at the bottom flash with the "tentacleTherapist is typing" thing and you tap your laptop excitedly. 

"No problem, it was so good wkrdjakksjajehkakrh"

sent 12:04 a.m.

"ajdjajdhsu thank"

"today was so freakin awesome tho"

sent 12:04 a.m.

"shit me too"

"not even my dumbass brothers can bother me it's so good"

sent at 12:04 a.m.

"fucking same"

sent at 12:05 a.m.

Talking to her always makes you feel good. For the two years you've been talking to her, it's been relatable as shit between the two of you. 

You met her on Ao3, on like your second day of owning an account. You'd already posted something, and it had gathered a whole ten hits. 

Reading her work as you trolled the Twilight tag was the first time you can remember a fic getting  _ everything _ you wanted right. In retrospect, it's kinda very terribly written but for a 12-year-old it was  _ art _ . You looked in the fic's notes and her Tumblr was linked. 

When you messaged her you felt so nervous, but looking back at the very first convo you just feel a wave of heartwarming nostalgia roll in and you smile.

"wanna roblox?" 

sent at 12:07 a.m.

"fuck yea"

sent at 12:07 a.m.

Freshman in high school playing fucking roblox is weird as hell but whatever, you both enjoy it and don't have to face the mortifying ordeal of being known irl. 

You consider this an absolute win.

As you watch your roblox avatar tumble down a cliff for the tenth time as you message Violet back and forth, you ponder the fact that you don't even know her actual name. It's the same for her obviously, she still calls you Mary in the Discord server you two share. This doesn't bother you and you don't think it ever will but you still find that interesting. You know her mom sucks but not what color her hair is. She knows you refuse to Come Out but not how tall you are. 

But if online relationships all share one thing, it’s questionably consistent boundaries. 

A notification pops up and you click out of Broken Bones IV. Violet says…

“hey mary”

“can i ask u something”

Sent at 12:48 a.m.

Anxiety floods through you, those are never good words-

“You dont need to answer if you dont want to im just curious”

Sent at 12:49 a.m.

“Shoot”

Sent at 12:49 a.m.

She types for a solid minute straight. You can’t take the anticipation so you click back into roblox and mercilessly fling yourself off of a cliff (god, why is this a kids game? Who approved this?). After some time you get a notification.

“Whats your real name?”

Sent at 12:51 a.m.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


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